She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
