So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
