So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
