i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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