you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
