you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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