you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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