If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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