a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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