I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
