I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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