youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
