at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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