Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We don't watch enough power rangers
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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