dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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