so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
