It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
