Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
