girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
