I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
