I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
as a side note pls kill me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
