Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
