My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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