I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
