We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
