I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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