woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
