Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
