oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
