I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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