tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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