She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
love makes seman taste better
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
