You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
