OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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