hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
