Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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