i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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