I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
