So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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