o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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