So drunk its hurt
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My bed smells like the plague
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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