I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I skipped work to stalk him.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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