i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
