Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
