you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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