What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
