we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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