I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
