bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
