We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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