Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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